The Curse of the ‘designated worrier’

Decoding the anxious life of moms.

As moms, we take on so many roles in a family, but one that isn’t always as rewarding as the others is the role of ‘Designated Worrier’. 

You know, the one who can't help but think of all the possible worst-case scenarios, the queen of overthinking? Well, you're not alone! In this blog post, we'll uncover why being the designated worrier can create anxiety in moms, explore the struggles we face, and find ways to manage our worries without letting them consume us. So, grab a cup of coffee (or tea), and let's unravel the mysteries of the anxious mom life!

1. The Constant Responsibility Rollercoaster:

It’s part of our superpower as moms! Knowing everyone’s favourite food, keeping track of practice schedules, names of best friends (and their parents),  the song that soothes a tummy ache or settles after a nightmare. But this constant state of having all the answers is a double-edged sword! You’re also the one who worries if they’re getting enough iron, are being left out on the playground, are you pushing them hard enough in their extracurriculars, or pushing them TOO hard in their extracurriculars. On one hand, you genuinely care about your kids' safety, well-being, and happiness., but on the other hand, this responsibility can feel like an overwhelming burden, leading to constant worry and anxiety. The weight of always being on guard for potential risks can take its toll.

2. The Fears that Haunt Us:

What if...? That's the question that seems to pop up in our minds a million times a day. The fear of the unknown, the "what ifs," can drive us crazy with anxiety. From imagining worst-case scenarios to fretting over every cough or sneeze, our minds work overtime to protect our little ones. Often, we feel that if we don’t worry about it, who will?! It’s exhausting!

3. The Comparison Trap:

You know the old saying, “Comparison is the thief of joy”? Well, it seems like social media has sent that into hyperdrive! Thanks to our For You Pages, and all the seemingly perfect moms we encounter online, our worries and anxieties can skyrocket. We question if we're doing enough, making the right choices, or measuring up to societal expectations. This self-doubt only amplifies our worries and sends our anxiety levels through the roof.

4. The Emotional Rollercoaster:

The immense love we have for our children makes us vulnerable, and with vulnerability comes anxiety. Every little stumble, disappointment, or pain our kids experience resonates deeply within us. If it hurts them, it hurts us! It's like our hearts are walking outside our bodies, and that emotional investment can take a toll on our mental well-being.

6. Letting Go of Control:

Why wouldn’t we want to do all we can to make sure our life and the lives of our family are running smoothly? Being in control gives us a sense of security and reassurance. But let's face it, motherhood throws us curveballs, and we can't control every aspect of our children's lives. That lack of control can be anxiety-inducing, as we grapple with the fear of the unknown and the realization that we can't shield our kids from everything.

So, I’m an anxious, overwhelmed, angry mess - What do I do about it?

Being the designated worrier doesn't mean we're doomed to a life of perpetual anxiety. So how can we manage these anxieties without letting them consume us?

1. Self-Care: eyeroll… I know you’ve heard it before: take care of yourself, mama; prioritize self-care to recharge and rejuvenate. It really is true, when you're in a better mental and physical state, you'll be better equipped to handle those natural worries. If your Overwhelm Scale is at a Level 8, then any Level 2 issue is going to push you past a 10. Managing your overall level of overwhelm will help you have room to deal with the inevitable challenges of #momlife. 

2. Seek Support: Designated Worrier isn’t our natural state - it’s not something we have to shoulder the burden of alone as part of our role as a mom. Talk to other moms who can relate to your worries or meet with a therapist to explore where these worries come from and how they’re impacting your life. Remember, you're not alone in this journey, it doesn’t have to be this hard. (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy is well documented to help with all types of anxiety)

3. Practice Mindfulness: Mindfulness techniques, such as deep breathing, meditation, or journaling, can help calm an overactive mind. They allow us to be present, acknowledge our worries, and manage them. Mindfulness doesn’t have to be incense and singing bowls, it’s simply training your brain to be aware of your thoughts and emotions so that you can better control them in times of stress. A therapist trained in mindfulness can help out with this.

4. Communication is Key: Share your concerns with your partner, family, or friends. Sometimes, just talking about our worries can provide relief and reassurance. Most importantly, SHARE THE BURDEN! You don’t have to continue to do it alone. 

So, fellow worrier moms, take a deep breath. It's okay to worry—it shows the immense love and dedication we have for our children, but let's strive for balance. Embrace your anxious superpowers, but don't let them overpower your joy and peace of mind. Remember, if you reach out for support, you’re also showing your kids that it’s ok for them to ask for help.

All of our Keeping Peace therapists have extensive training and experience supporting people struggling with anxiety. Check out their bios and booking links here!